Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Vicky like's deep stuff- personal review

What an interesting lecture it was today in visual design.  Deep and very interesting. Thats the kind of stuff I like, things that make you think. I may have displayed a look of confusion on my face but i swear it was a look of interest.

Honestly I was thinking, That i hardly know or talk to any of the people in my year or on the course apart from the little "click" im in.  Its sad really.... I have nearly been here a year and i havent asked anyone for help or anything apart from that one time which ended in tears, it sort of put me off, quite sad indeed that the gurus thing didnt work for me.

I have been promised a digital painting tutorial a la Chris wright tommorow. I asked therefore i got.... I need to ask more. Ive wasted my time there have been so many oppurtunitys that i have missed and i am slowly turning into someone i do not like.

 I have trippled my effort in game production and am recieving compliments from heather, they are worth there weight in gold......

I have been studying the book drawing on the right side of the brain...... I now see things as shapes.... and it helps to draw..... I have been sketching on the bus to uni.... its fun...

My quick drawings are better than the ones i spend time on.

I am not completley unconfident, I am just going through a lapse at the minute, a lull in the action. Where there is action there is always a lull. Some may call it walking off the path.......

If teach says my textures fine, i should listen.....

I need confidence, not cockiness, that is what i need to improve on..... my confidence.... i need to gain confidence, it needs to grow or im done for.  Nobody knows me really, the person I am when i walk in the doors at uni and the person i am at home.

One thing positive i will say is that i have always been determined and carry on even through a lapse in confidence.

I need to grow up. right now. I feel like i act childish......alot.
Stop trying to relive my lost childhood. It is gone. It is about time that I accepted that fact.
and it was lost as the consiquence of my own very poor decisions.

 I will never get it back and acting like an 18 year old will not change that.

So quit crying about it.... face it, and move on. 

It happens though, the oppurtunity to have a laugh and act a bit silly and laugh some more, as long as it isnt at anyones expense. Is fine, some of the time.

Ill make a resolution, its a bit late, to grow, i have grown but i want to grow some more. grow in confidence, abilty, maturity, all of those things.

 Im a flower, that has taken so long to start blossoming.  But i will blossom, and what a fine flower i will be, one petal at a time.

 I am good enough I AM GOOD ENOUGH, I can do it. i will get there, believe. have faith. suceed.




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