Tuesday, 28 February 2012

A little less randomness a little more action please

Dear blog,
                 Action is the word this semester. Action gets things done. Im not talking about just doing random stuff to count towards your sds, im talking about doing the things that will make you better.
For instance, i made and tested out 10 diffuse maps on my character, by the tenth one it was only just starting to look ok. ( i'll spare you the screen shots)
So that brings me to ask myself this question, how much will it take? to get things to look good. how much will it take to get stuff to look very good? or excellent?

I can do the work. within the time. to a particular standard. I can cope.
But I need to get smart. I have done for a long time.

Smart enough to produce better work in less time.

If I was 18 years old with no commitments I would put my all into this. Alas I am 29 years old with commitments and I am putting all I can in. I am trying to push myself to my limit now, no pain no gain.
If it pays off I know my confidence will grow, if it does not, I will work out what i am doing wrong and put my time into finding a new way, something that works.

If I was smarter 10 years ago, I would have done it,
but without my son, I wouldnt have the drive. He is everything to me, and I am doing this for him. Its so much easier to motivate yourself when you are not the most important person in your life.

I am working hard because I want to get out of the crummy life we have, and I want him to be happy and not have to grow up in these surroundings. With there bad influences. I want him to be successful and have a decent future.

I am going to push myself now, to the limit.

No more dissing my work or my ability, the lapse in confidence is over, I got here I will stay here, until the very end. I will spend every bit of free time I have in the labs working. To be what i want to be, for me, for him. For our future.

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