Sunday, 30 June 2013

breaking the cycle

Apologies for the last post, I've had a cold for 2 weeks and was feeling a bit run down.

I have struggled for a long time in a vicious circle of negativity. I have managed at last to break the cycle. Its taken a long time and I didn't even think I could do it.

The thing that helped the most was being self aware, getting to the bottom of what was really causing it.  It has made me realise what really wasn't important and the reasons why I thought it was.

anyway.... the last few days I have felt so much better, and clear headed. I know what I want now and the ways in which I can get it.

When your mind is clouded by negative thoughts and emotions its hard to see clearly. Its a terrible place to be.

I want to come back to university in October and be myself , I was ill when I started in the first year, it started to get out of control after Christmas which was reflected in my performance.

It will be interesting to see, and show what I am really capable of now that I am better.

Monday, 24 June 2013

Time to chill out for a bit.

I think I've made a mistake, As soon as I started feeling better I was up and raring to go. The trouble is that slightly better felt so much different than before that it felt almost normal.
who am I trying to kid.... myself probably.
I took on too much too soon. I'm starting to feel not so great again and having more  and more "bad days"

I keep having this reoccurring nightmare that I start back uni and my lecturer asked what I have done in the summer and I haven't done anything... so  I wake up and do something.

but I think I will chill out for a bit, I will try.. or this year was worthless and all of those things I was proud of achieving will be non existent.
I like making stuff it is a hobby of mine but there's a fine line and I think I have crossed it .

It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, honestly and I am definitely not as strong as I thought I was.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

my medium of choice. oil paint

 Against my fathers advice of "not doing any computer work for a while", sorry dad
I have been bored.... So I have been painting, and sculpting and drawing and making things in 3D, because I am an artist and that's what I enjoy doing.

Having gotten to a certain level with digital painting I found that you only really need to do about 5 things and the paintings done, and that's for any painting. Knowing those steps makes the whole process a little tedious. but I can do it, so...

I have always wanted to be a better 3d artist. make things that look cool. I have been working on an environment this last week. That's for another post...

I have had this niggle inside me for a long time. I have always wanted to be a better traditional artist. Paint using traditional media. I have been painting using oils. Honestly they are such a joy to use, and also there is nothing stressful about painting with oils, just the feel of the paint is so relaxing and therapeutic... oils have become my medium of choice. I love them. Also I don't find using them difficult, I find it easier than digital and quicker. My favourite paint... you can keep acrylics and watercolours...  the technique for painting with digital and oils is similar, I find.
Using them is so relaxing that I find I drift off into a state of meditation and the paintings nearly done before I know it. Not thinking to much about it is the key.


I love using oil paints... I know I keep saying that...there is just something classically awesome about them.  I think I will keep working on it.. become the next Michelangelo... ha ha, the painting above was based on a masters study but I made the lady look more modern as I don't think people look like the ones in old paintings anymore.