Saturday, 23 March 2013

My ultimate achievment

I have created alot of art during my time off.  I have decided not to show it to anyone.
It is my recovery art. As soon as I felt able and more balanced and level minded I picked up that pencil again and started making pictures.

Right now I feel the best I have felt in over a decade and I no longer need to show off pretty pictures to prove my worth as an artist or as a person to anyone anymore.

I am not showing it because I have almost beaten this, and what anyone may think of me as an artist does not even come close to my worth as a person. Knowing my own worth means so much more to me than being able to make pictures.

The strength I have had to demonstrate over the last 10 years and particularly over the last few months really is worth its weight in gold. I believe firmly that this strength will help me as an artist but I dont think art makes me. My experience my personality my character and my knowledge make me.

I am much more than a machine that draws pictures. Loads of people can do that. It is merly a hobby, one that I am really passionate about, a skill I am devloping. Something that I and anyone else that proclaims themself as an artist does.

I know what I am capable of. That knowledge is inside my mind and my heart. no painting or  3d model I will ever make will ever come close to what I have achieved this year, and i am fine with that. It has been an ultimate test of strength and no matter what I do with the rest of my life that will always be my ultimate acheivment.

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