You owe me a quid

I checked blackboard today as I got an email saying the timetable will be displayed.
After I checked it and after my internal organs did a backflip because it wasn't exactly the same as last year, I filled out my mid year diary and scheduled what I would do on a Wednesday afternoon after critical studies... for the whole year..

Lucky for me I tend to check things over...

the timetable had changed making my years diary useless....
and again it changes.... I now have to be in 2 places at one time....

hang on a minute... I'm not a complete idiot

I think I will leave it a couple of days. Its probably being written as I write this.

I would like to add that I liked the 1st timetable with critical studies the first lecture of the week.

To whoever is responsible for the timetable You owe me a quid for a new diary... or perhaps a free lecture in how to demonstrate a little patience  ;)

going back to basics update

I spoke recently that I intended to go back to the fundamentals of what I have learnt so that I can fill in any gaps.
This is an update of how I have been doing. Things have been going really well, it brought back memory's of my struggles as a naïve first year whilst making wheelie bins.
The wheelie bin project revisited was fun though, The different in time taken to complete is phenomenal. It would be though wouldn't it after all that was 2 YEARS ago. I cant believe it has been two years. I miss university and the people there. Its not and never will be the be all and end all of my life again but I am bored, the last 8 months have dragged.

I am at the mercy of my own inspiration unfortunately, not having summer projects to look to or work on. Surely I cant be expected to do nothing for 10 months.

I'm still going to carry on with this re doing the first year. I will post some of it up and comment on the things I wish I'd have known then.

It was just making back then and learning and understanding its quite different now, there is more to it and there is more room to be creative when you know the software as you have the tools to do more things.
 

Made of metal

I feel quite robotic of late, meaning I can get things done with little care.
I always wanted to be an art machine that could draw and paint and make without thinking too much about it.
My thoughts are that as you become better and you learn the steps in which to do things it can be easier to get things done, That and being emotionally dumbed down.
Emotion does play a part in art I believe, too much emotion just gets in the way though, it distracts, manipulates, causes you to make wrong decisions.
But what about passion? inspiration? desire? are they not all fuelled by raw emotion? There has to be a way round this? surely you can get ideas down and develop them into something cool even if you are a robot.
I would rather be a robot that "could" than a human being that thought he "couldn't" even if that meant not feeling.
After all what is the point of feeling if you cant do anything?

Escaping Limbo

I've been watching a lot of films recently. Last night I watched inception that's been on my watch list for ages.

It occurred to me after watching it that I myself am stuck in some sort of "game art limbo". Not knowing what to do to prepare myself for going back. Do I work enough so I don't get rusty?, do I go over what I have learnt?, do I attempt projects again?, do I learn u.d.k so I am prepared for when I go back?,Do I try something new?
All of these things crossed my mind and have been done to some degree. I have been doing these things. The u.d.k one was the greatest achievement.

My summer work has however lacked structure. I need a clear structure to follow having attempted numerous projects.
I am now proficient enough in u.d.k and the writing of design documentation to see me through to Christmas in game production. My painting, drawing, concept/planning, sculpture has improved enough to see me through until Christmas in visual design. The reading and research I have been doing on the subject, films I have watched and the art history I have been learning about will definitely see me through until Christmas in critical studies.

So what now? Well I have decided to cease all of the projects I have been doing recently.
I am going to spend the time from now until when I go back going over everything I have learnt so far whilst doing game art.
This way I can make sure I have and am able to demonstrate a full understanding of what I have learnt. Particularly the fundamentals. If there are any gaps in my understanding they will be filled.

This to me seems like a great idea and it actually has structure and purpose. There will be no sitting and thinking too much about what I am going to do because its already there in front of me.
So.. Wheelie bins and one point perspective here I come.

Going back to school

I went to a high school open evening today with my son who will be starting senior school in September.

It wasn't just any high school though, it was my high school. Its been knocked down and rebuilt since but most of my teachers are still there including my form tutor and they remember me. I really don't know how teachers remember all  of there past students.

It was fun to go back and remember all of the things I wanted to do when I was at that school.
He really enjoyed it, he seemed really happy. No one from his primary school is going to that school, but he's already made lots of friends. That's great, i'm proud of him.

The best thing is that the school is located at the back of the field outside my back garden, so its convenient too. They have loads of clubs that he can go to.

I just had to share, it was great.

breaking the cycle

Apologies for the last post, I've had a cold for 2 weeks and was feeling a bit run down.

I have struggled for a long time in a vicious circle of negativity. I have managed at last to break the cycle. Its taken a long time and I didn't even think I could do it.

The thing that helped the most was being self aware, getting to the bottom of what was really causing it.  It has made me realise what really wasn't important and the reasons why I thought it was.

anyway.... the last few days I have felt so much better, and clear headed. I know what I want now and the ways in which I can get it.

When your mind is clouded by negative thoughts and emotions its hard to see clearly. Its a terrible place to be.

I want to come back to university in October and be myself , I was ill when I started in the first year, it started to get out of control after Christmas which was reflected in my performance.

It will be interesting to see, and show what I am really capable of now that I am better.

Time to chill out for a bit.

I think I've made a mistake, As soon as I started feeling better I was up and raring to go. The trouble is that slightly better felt so much different than before that it felt almost normal.
who am I trying to kid.... myself probably.
I took on too much too soon. I'm starting to feel not so great again and having more  and more "bad days"

I keep having this reoccurring nightmare that I start back uni and my lecturer asked what I have done in the summer and I haven't done anything... so  I wake up and do something.

but I think I will chill out for a bit, I will try.. or this year was worthless and all of those things I was proud of achieving will be non existent.
I like making stuff it is a hobby of mine but there's a fine line and I think I have crossed it .

It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, honestly and I am definitely not as strong as I thought I was.