Thursday, 17 October 2013
Personal reflection.-The past.
I have been reflecting recently on the work I have produced for this course in the past, also on the criticism I have received. The reason I feel this is relevant now is because I have had a chance to step back and see things for what they are in actual reality and not from my own warped and sometimes narcissistic perception.
The fact is that everyone likes praise, it makes you feel good about yourself and the things you do, but praise is something you have to earn. Praise can’t be expected when one achieves little or nothing, It is not something you are entitled to, you need to do something worthy in order to receive it.
The way we are taught these days implies that everyone is special and unique, everyone’s a winner. It leads you into a false way of thinking. A way of thinking that creates the illusion that you are special and unique and that the world, society or some greater force owes you something.
Step back and see things for what they truly are, the world, society or some greater force has no debt with you. There are things for the taking though and you have to be prepared to go out and get those things, work for them they will not be handed to you on a silver platter.
That leads me back to my reflection of my own academic achievement over the last several years. When I was a naïve first year I thought the marking was hawk-like and that I deserved better than what I had achieved, after all I felt I understood what I was doing. Right now I realize that the marks I received were the marks I deserved and were a direct result of the understanding of the subject that I demonstrated in my work. Most importantly I realized that the marking was fair and accurate.
Knowing that is a great thing because now I can see that if I want to get a certain grade I need to not only be able to understand but to show my understanding creatively. I need to demonstrate it in my work. Just knowing is not enough.
Looking back I see what I could have done and what I didn’t do, I have gone over the work again with much greater results. The most important thing is that I realize what I need to do in the future and feel more than a little dumb that I wasn’t able to do this earlier.
I want to earn respect as an artist; I want people to come to me to ask for help with things. I want to be able to talk about things, share my experience and knowledge, and earn friendships and valuable contacts.
The time to do is now! there is too much time to just let it go to waste. I have learned that sometimes you need to stop to rejuvenate and find inspiration. The level I need to be at and the things I want to achieve are not even close to what I am doing now but every day I spend working on it, the things I want to achieve get closer and closer.
They are still however very far away, it’s an uphill slog, but I know in the end every step towards that goal will all be well worth it.
In truth reality is a bitch, life however, doesn’t have to be. I am not owed anything by anyone, I do however owe it to myself to be realistic and push myself when I need to be pushed and stop when I need to stop. Balance is the key in theory and in reality.