Saturday, 27 October 2012

How I feel about game art -The 20 in 2 theory revisted

Yep its almost been a year now (10 months to be exact) since I as an inexperienced fresher, naively and idiotically tried to prove my worth as an artist by drawing 20 thumbnails in 2 minutes.

You'll be pleased to here that this isn't a post where I'm going to attempt that again, nor will there be any posts in the future where I attempt that again.  Its a post were I talk about what I have learnt since then and my thoughts on achievement

During the concept/planning research and before and after it I considered could I do 20 thumbnails in 2 minutes, well it depends on what I want to achieve. If I want to show the world "yeah" I can pointlessly speed draw 20 or more in 2 minutes for the purpose of proving that I can speed draw 20 or more thumbnails in 2 minutes then yes i could. I would gain absolutely nothing.

What is the point of that? No point. In my work these days (thumbnail sketches included) I try to get as much out of the time as possible. If I wanted to thumbnail for the purpose of composition, lighting and all that other jazz then no probably not, it would take a lot more consideration and a lot longer, but I would achieve something.

Lets talk about my new view of achievement and my future hopes for what I will gain from game art design.

Honestly the stress of trying to get 70% for every project kind of backfires because stress makes me make mistakes, brutally murders my confidence by hacking away at my thought process in a project. It makes me over think too much.
Honestly I find I write the best, draw the best and model 3d the best when I am myself and trying to be something I'm not almost kills me,

I was and most of us were very big fish in tiny ponds at college, unexpectedly entering the game art ocean with unimaginably huge fish. Not the best anymore, but with a chance to grow.

I'm going to be real now, this is not me being negative I just needed to take a step back and look at things from the perspective of my own skills in reality.

I am not a first class honours student and the chances are that I never will be.

I don't have the skill to be getting 70% right now, I have the determination to build those skills but to be at that level I don't believe I can do it within the next 2 years or have the time to put the work in to get them to that level. I will keep trying though.

That's not saying I don't work hard, I put a lot of work in, I work everyday but I still don't think its enough to be at that level.

My thoughts for the future are this, If I could get a 2:1 I would be very happy and that will take a damn lot of work. I think it could be within my reach If I really, really, really really try. I mean really try.

I made errors in visual design this week and my final sucked, I went to bed at 2am in tears and in an absolute broken wreckage and have some kind of stress cold now. My dreams were filled with thoughts that I was going to fail visual design. Ive since redone it in a calmer mood and it turned out better, I don't want to ever be in that state again.

I decided today that I'm going to do this course to gain knowledge, skills and confidence and to enjoy it. What happens after that I can only imagine and hypothesise I can never really know. I'm not mates with doctor who and I cant go into the future to see.

I am going to try and be all I can be but not at the expense of my health or my family, I really needed to decide exactly how much I can be. I'll do all I can til the very end of my time here. whenever that may be.

I will be all I can be, and do all that I can.

My philosophy was, will and has always been the title of this blog,

Pretty polygons or damn good tri's at the very least.

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